Why yes, I just happen to be careening about in my closet rummaging for the best possible five work outfits for my last week of work when I realized that I had the ultimate schoolgirl cute uniform just waiting to be paired: my new blue blazer (with sweet green lining) and my blue flouncy skirt from a few years ago that I don't wear nearly often enough. The color isn't exactly the same blue but it's so close and in pictures, it looks the same enough to make me quite pleased. Added my awesome western tie to the mix, my go-to fedora from freshman year of college & my old Starbucks barrista polo (which actually has a zip collar, pretty random) and I was completely on outfit cloud 9. Seriously. Picture me, walking along the streets of Israel and bringing some style to the Vogue-less country. Giggling and joking in Hebrew while clutching my books to my chest. It's starting to kind of come together.
Yes, a lot has been lost since February, when I got home from my first trip to Israel.
Heck, a lot has been lost since March.
A lot is being lost everyday between my spent paychecks and my painfully in depth purging of Everything I Own.
How do you really know when to say goodbye to stuffed animals, photographs, Converse you've had since eighth grade, college textbooks you'll read One Day, jewelry you made in summer camp?
It's a really tough sometimes and there regrets to deal with.
At the same time though, it's always nice knowing that no matter what, at the end of It All, these things are just things and this stuff is just stuff.
I know it sounds like a crazy goal but I am tempted to challenge myself to be the one going to Arizona (and Israel) with the least amount of baggage, both physically and emotionally.
One of the hardest things I've had to do this month was to leave my eyedoctors behind.
Do you have any idea how much trouble I have trusting people? Especially doctors that are going to cut me open and fiddle about with my optic stems. Or whatever lurks behind my glasses.
Lost: glasses in a parking lot, several friends, calmness, oodles of money spent, the physical mementos that couldn't fit in my Lisa Frank folder or memory shoe box.
Found: excitement for travel, a thrill about independence, my style groove, inspiration to write several chapters a week, new friends, a shifting notion of home, the comfort of water.
That's pretty much all my poetic ranting for now.
I think June is going to be the month of self reflection because I'm literally moving in mere weeks and I'm no longer as afraid of what I'll find when I unlock the door to the word Home.
Probably doesn't make sense to you, but it makes sense to me...I can be a bit riddle(culous okay okay I'll stop) sometimes.
What have you lost & found these past few months?
I hope you find more than you lose and you lose what you need to lose in order to grow.