9.22.2014

not bad, just very, very busy.

I'd prefer to think of myself lately not as a bad blogger, but as a busy, busy, busy Student Teacher.
I honestly admit that my accelerated Masters and Certification program is taking every second of free time and loose charged energy I've had in my body...my weekends are a two second seeming rush of joy and freedom and sweet love that are all-too-soon exchanged for heaps of work,grading, and other such teacherly things.

I have 4 certification tests to prepare to as well as a wedding to dream about (although I refuse to do my first post until we are engaged).

I just can't wait until my free December when I will be a graduate and back into the job market but this time, more properly earned for a real grown-up job. The kind of job that will pay my expensive medical bills and help save up for our house.

Last week, I was also absolutely sick to my stomach with a dreadful stomach flu lasting a whole seven days. I still have a bit of it but it's starting to FINALLY go away. I feel like I lost twenty pounds and everything I ate since last year. It was a complete nightmare and gut-wrenching pain.
I tried joking that it might make morning sickness easier once we start having babies in a couple years but you know, the weird thing with pain is how easy it is to forget that feeling until it comes back again.

Stupid pain.
I hope you are all having good Septembers. It's almost over though, you know. How did that happen, anyway?

xx


9.08.2014

here comes the rain again.

source

It has been a very rainy weekend here in Arizona.
I am all too aware of my fall off of the blogging wagon the past month and a half. I don't know what to say except sorry to my fans that have missed me or wanted new wolfy content.
I will try to be more on top of Wearing Wolf but life has definitely gotten in the way lately.

This has been the type of rainy monsoon covered day that I have so rarely been excused from my Student Teaching. I started four weeks ago (already). I only have about 12 more weeks of student teaching in which to take 4 Teaching Certification exams and become a slave to the TAP rubric on which I will graded on a scale on of 1 (completely worthless) to 5 (never given heights of perfect teaching) by the teaching trinity of my mentor teacher, supervisor, and program coordinator.

It isn't an easy thing to persue any career, minimum wage or degree requiring with a physical disabilty and I have definitely felt a bit of the struggle trying to fight over placements in school I can't get transportation to or work with sales people or professors over the years that have discriminated against me due to my lack of perfect vision.

I have stayed true to myself in all this time and have really began to feel myself blossom into a strong yet passionate individual despite society's best efforts to keep me down, brainwashed, insecure, and addicted to buying, reading, and watching trash that doesn't nourish my soul in the least.

This past year, I have really been able to better assess what is truly important to me...I have come a long way with the near completion of my Masters Degree, and I have been slowly trucking away at my personal writing projects (and feel closer than ever to publication).

Last Spring, I had started communicating with my soulmate, Noah, who is assuredly the man of my dreams and Only One for me. Where this blog used to fill a lot of space in my heart where I felt empty and frustrated with life and craved material things or was hot-headed towards pop culture, I don't have as many moments like that lately. Or perhaps they are more fleeting than before since I feel so much more grounded.


Am I still pissed off about a lot of things going on in the news, media, advertising, ect.? Yes. Do I still read books like they are going out of style? Yes. Do I still have a head full of trash tv commmentry and posts to write? Of course. I just need to sort through my priorities and make more time for Wearing Wolf.

Wearing Wolf was the longest running relationship I've had with any piece of my writing or social media. My DeviantArt, ElfWood, MySpace and dating profile have all served this purpose and faded into oblivion (except for some archived stuff which I had to write bitchy emails and complain about for two years before those webpages were taken down, but that's another story).

Wearing Wolf will always find a home on my computer and in my heart and I don't want any of you readers, old readers or new readers, to give up on this blog or think I've lost interest in you all.

I am still here, just very busy right now doing so many things I can't even handle to be up at night much later 9 pm. I dream of a wedding, of paradise, of a classroom to call my own, a world where peace is the prayer shawl that blankets us all in protection regardless of our beliefs, lack of beliefs or colors. I dream of women being more than bodies and stereotypes, of all women meeting a man as precious as mine, of my books becoming movies, & of poetry coming alive.

It is okay to dream.
xx

7.30.2014

the big 3 'oh.'



 My boyfriend turned 30 this past week and it has basically been a whirlwind of fun, shopping, eating cake, winning tickets to a free comedy show (that turned out to be the best show any of us have ever been to), seeing his family, being tourists in a western town, and other shenanigans.


I've been pretty busy with school this past week since I'm already wrapping up my last clasroom style class before student teaching.

I'm also looking into PhD programs which may just end up costing me another 60K in student loans.

I'm just not sure what's next. I don't know. But is it exciting?
Hell, yeah.
xx

7.23.2014

summer grilling.

 summer nights by the grill with the sweet smell of bbq sauce & pineapple hibiscus home-brewed iced tea...
these are the nights I live for, that I look forward to when I wake up in the morning and reminisce about as I lay my head down to sleep <3 p="">
xx